Throughout the week at work, I make calls to our vendors to place orders. Generally I’m calling the same vendors, and talking to the same people at the sales desks. Every time, they ask me if I have a PO# I’d like to put in (purchase order number) and I almost always just say “today’s date is fine” because the number doesn’t really matter. It should go without saying that I mean something like 11/20/13.
But today, I received the invoice from an order last week and saw this:
They wrote “TODAY’S DATE” as my PO. Right.
So, this might be a well known thing that I never caught on to, but a little while ago I noticed that from the profile view, the bottom of everyone’s nose/nostrils matches their top lipline. So far, without fail, this is true.
Since then, I make a point to notice it on everyone, just to repeatedly confirm my theory. If it doesn’t match, I’m going to be convinced there was plastic surgery or “enhancements” of some sort.
Is this part of the Golden Ratio or something? I feel like I’ve made a very important discovery here. Watch out Da Vinci.
Asked my bank to add a letter to their outgoing mail this morning.
Just call me Andy Dufresne.
I definitely thought she was singing “Dancin’ with Miley” and I just didn’t get why it was such a big controversy. Like, yeah, dancing with Miley, its a party in the USA.
They put up a new billboard on my route to work.
And it’s terrifying.
Several years ago, after being hired for a job at a school district, I had to go through a series of tests and background checks. That sounds a lot more dramatic and FBI-ish than it actually was, just normal stuff like finger printing to make sure I wasn’t an established lunatic that they were allowing around children. These checks included, naturally, a TB test. If you aren’t aware, in a tuberculosis test, you are given an injection in your forearm, and then you return two days later to have them look at your arm. Your arm’s reaction determines the presence of TB. They’re actually super vague about the whole thing, and mysteriously just say they need to “read” your arm. So as far as you know, some reactions may be okay, others not okay. So, I go to get the shot, and it felt just like any other injection. After I left the office though, my arm became super sensitive and red and rash-like. A friend of mine had gotten the same test maybe only a week before, so when I saw him that night, I asked him what he thought about my arm.
-Me: Look, my arm actually kind of hurts and it looks like a rash!
-Friend: Oh, don’t worry, that’s totally normal. Mine looked just like that and I’m totally fine.
Two days later I went back to the doctor’s office to have my arm read. I had TB. I actually had tuberculosis. I had to get x-rays, and ultimately it wasn’t too bad, we have medicine for that sort of thing, but seriously who actually has TB?! I immediately went back to my friend.
- Me: You should go get checked again! If your arm looked like mine, you need medicine!
- Friend: NO. My arm didn’t look like that AT ALL. Your arm just looked SO awful and diseased and I thought you were really sick, so I just told you it was normal so you wouldn’t freak out. My arm was totally fine after the shot, your arm looked like death.
And that’s the story of how I had TB and walked around for two days with a horrific looking arm telling everyone “its totally fine, that’s how its supposed to look,” and also how I learned that you can’t trust anyone.
Why is everything two sizes too big for her? That clutch is almost big enough to hold all of her regrets.
At least she’s not wearing the booties.
Spoiler alert - This is a mild rant about being hot. Not the good kind of hot.
I don’t know if I’ve properly expressed this before, (although if you know me in real life you know that I complain about this almost constantly to the point of cutting off your friendship with me, probably) but living in the San Fernando Valley is like living on the SURFACE OF THE SUN. Actually, that’s not true. Playing around on a giant fireball would likely be better. At least a fireball wouldn’t be so humid? This is like the never ending summer, but not in a good way. It’s been hovering between 90 and 107 for the last several months (I took the above screen shot 16 weeks ago. 16 weeks!), and here it is September, and it is only getting hotter.
A few weeks ago a friend asked me how hot it was at my office and my response was something like,
"Well, the app on my phone says 97, the thermometer in my car says 100, and my heart says 500."
I don’t understand people that talk about how much they love the heat. How do you love this? It does not make sense, and I think you must be lying, because it is miserable. You don’t like it, you can’t. Is this Global Warming? I also just found out that Pumpkin Spice Lattes are already available. This also feels like a lie.
I bought a window AC for my bedroom and while I used to say that laser hair removal was the best thing I’ve ever spent money on, I’m amending that because the AC is absolutely the best money I’ve ever spent, its saving my life.
There’s still no escaping it though. I even have a pool, and it is barely refreshing, sort of like a bath tub. All I’m saying is I know that the last season of Game of Thrones ended months ago, but I thought winter was coming. WHEN IS WINTER COMING?!
In conclusion, ITS TOO HOT TO EXIST.