There's A Big Enough Umbrella

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At this point I think people are just screwing with me. It seems vaguely like this a lot of the time, but since I’m not a baby, I realize the world is probably not actually out to get little ol’ me. Sometimes though, like this week, I’m not so sure…

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Well, at this point I’ve been googling pictures of Jennifer Aniston for I don’t even know how long because I heard someone on the radio mention that he had never seen Jen with an up-do (looking at you EW Radio), and even though I distinctly remember a ponytail (some award show, where she had raccoon makeup, wore all black, and was walking with a cane) I can’t recall any other hair up moments, and I haven’t found any photos either, other than a very rare pony, and ohmygod I’m becoming obsessed and am now totally convinced that there is something seriously wrong with the back of her neck. Or maybe its an ear thing? Jen? Are you okay? What is going on back there that you can’t show? I mean seriously, she went for those mermaid dreads on the red carpet, but has never attempted a bun? I don’t know, but this is going on my list of truths to uncover. I need to know.

I’m Married?

Once upon a time, when I was an innocent little fifth grader, another student in my class and his family set up a class event about traditions in India, where they were from.

This student apparently was asked at home to pick two students from his class to participate, and as it turned out, he chose me and a boy named Michael. I don’t know why he picked us, but looking back on it, even in the fifth grade, Mike and I were the two most stereotypical all-American white kids of all time, that might have something to do with it, but I can only speculate to the other’s kid’s reasons. I do remember him saying to me afterward that he had considered choosing another boy, but changed his mind and picked Mike, I guess we “matched.” Mike had brown hair and was very tall and very cute and we had similar last names so we were always near each other.

Anyway, the class event, and “traditions” we were taught about that day ended up being less about general Indian traditions and more (entirely) about the Indian wedding ceremony and process, and by “taught about” I mean they preformed the whole ceremony using Mike and I as bride and groom. I sat with the girls for the morning time, was dressed in traditional garb, including a red bindi painted on my forehead, before joining Mike at the front of the class where the ceremony was held.

Now, I’m not sure about how the whole marriage thing works in this tradition, but I feel like I might be one of those people that you think only exist on TV where they are about to get married and suddenly find out that the informal/intoxicated/joke wedding they had in their youth was actually the real thing. Then, naturally, hilarity and heart-string-pulling will ensue.

I also recently saw a picture of grown-up Michael (thanks Facebook) and I definitely wouldn’t mind reconnecting with my long lost husband. Just saying, my life could totally be a rom-com any minute now.