There's A Big Enough Umbrella

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While Make Up Shopping at Sephora

Me:
I'm looking for a concealer, but I have a hard time finding the right color.

Sephora Guy:
(Apparently he's an "artist" that has come to color match me)

Friend:
The lighting in here is--

Sephora Guy:
-Awful? Dim? Horrible? Unflattering? Impossible? TELL me about it, Girl.

Me:
(As he's slapping different concealer colors on my neck) It's weird, but my face and neck don't match at all, naturally. When I'm not wearing makeup at all, I'm like two different people.

Sephora Guy:
I'm sure its not that different, you just don't know how to find the right makeup colors.

Friend:
Should we go to a window?

Sephora Guy:
No, no, I'm really good at this, I can match anywhere. (Decides on a neck color then tries it on my eyes) Oh, that's not right. (Washes off the eyes and tries again, finally getting the right color)

Sephora Guy:
WOAH. WELL. I've seen people with slightly different skin tones on face and neck, but I've NEVER seen something quite as drastic as you. Woah. Entirely different.


[Thanks Sephora Guy. I feel weirdly validated and glad I was right, but "I've never seen a difference this dramatic"? Guess I'm a drama queen through and through, right down to the colors of my skin.]

Darkwing Duck

Today I got home from work and looked out into my backyard to see a couple of ducks walking around on the grass around the pool. Naturally I got very excited, because who doesn’t like ducks waddling around in their yard?

So the male duck suddenly jumps into the water, glides across the pool, and hops out on the side closest to me at the door. After walking around and trying to act casual, the duck comes right up to the glass and starts pecking on the glass. Knocking on the door with his beak. When I don’t answer and let him in (I don’t even know this duck or what his game is, is this an attack duck, a trick of some sort? Stranger-Danger.) he very non-chalantly walks away, then turns back around and chest bumps the door, effectively body slamming it to get in. What are you doing duck?! Why do you want in here?! I’m on a no-carb diet at the moment, so this is a bread-free space, there’s nothing here for you, Duck. 

So I originally was very excited that I was going to have Spring ducks living in my yard (there was a male duck and a female duck together at the pool, so naturally I’m convinced that there will be Easter baby ducks swimming in my pool and being cute in my yard in no time at all) but now I’m mildly concerned that I got the one duck on the planet that does not have good intentions and wants to commit a little B & E. I mean, of course.

Haaaaave you met Ted?

What do married celebrities with stage names call each other at home? I don’t know why, but this is something I wonder about far too often. Does Josh Duhamel call his wife Fergie? Does Carey Hart call his wife P!nk? Do Dido’s peeps call her Dido (real name: Florian Cloud De Bounevialle Armstrong, and for that matter, why choose “Dido” when you could easily gone with Cloud??)? Does Fabio have a last name? Or a wife?

Only the hard-hitting questions here.

Civilian at the Hair Salon

I woke up a few weeks ago desperate for a haircut. I didn’t realize that I had let my hair get to crazy-hippie-cat-lady length. Remember when Jennifer Aniston had that crazy long mermaid hair on Friends? It was good, but also like, okay, we’re getting a little out of hand here. But, alas, hair cuts are expensive, and choosing a place to go got me to thinking about some of the trials and tribulations I went through to arrive at my current haircut.

{Fair warning, this is going to be long-winded, we all know hair is a very major topic.}

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“There is a funny part in the movie where my character gets angry at the end of a book and he throws the book out the window. I think many of us already want to do this, especially when a character dies.” Bradley Cooper

Pretty much every book I’ve ever loved…

(via dalekgirlwhocan)